PoliTwix: Are Left and Right Really Different?

The world is full of puzzling questions. Do ghosts exist? What is the meaning of life? Why are there two Twix bars in one wrapper?

Finally, after years upon years of vexation, the Twix company has shared the details of its troubled past, shedding light on the question of candy bar bifurcation. About a year ago, Twix released this commercial, which begins to explain one of life’s greatest mysteries:

It seems that almost immediately after Twix was unveiled, the company’s two like-minded founders—Seamus and Earl—fell into an abyss of irreconcilable disagreement. Realizing that they could no longer continue on as co-workers, they decided to split the company in two.

What emerged from the division were two rival companies alike in nearly every way, Left Twix and Right Twix.

While obvious to the outside world, the overwhelming similarities between the two chocolaty corporations went unnoticed by the myopic executives of each respective “side.”

According to the ad’s narrator, “Each factory took a vastly different approach. Left Twix flowed caramel on cookie, while Right Twix cascaded caramel on cookie. Left Twix bathed in chocolate, while Right Twix cloaked in chocolate.”

This follow-up ad focuses on the modern-day state of Twix’s rival factories:

A young, upstart employee approaches the head of Right Twix. “We’re in the Right Twix factory,” he says, “making cookie layered with caramel for the right side of the pack. And next door is the Left Twix factory, and they make cookie layered with caramel covered in chocolate.”

“No—cloaked in chocolate,” interrupts the obtuse executive. “Totally different process.” After peering across the driveway through a telescope, observing an identical office in the Left Twix factory, he contemptuously concludes, “I just don’t like the way they carry themselves.”

This is laughable, of course, because Left Twix and Right Twix “carry themselves” the exact same way. Beyond mere rhetoric, they are indistinguishable.

The Left-Right Twix dichotomy bears a striking resemblance to the American political system. Like Seamus and Earl, Republicans and Democrats quarrel over superficial disparities, while enthusiastically—albeit often unwittingly—agreeing on most matters of substance.

Democrats and Republicans quibble about the structure and funding of education, but they unanimously agree that mandated, standardized instruction is the only way to go.

Democrats favor intervention in one far-off land, while Republicans favor it in another, but neither party flinches at the mention of sanctions, foreign aid, arms dealing, drone strikes, combat troops, or outright war.

Democrats and Republicans adhere to slightly different philosophies regarding how to manipulate the economy, yet from both sides there is an unequivocal disregard for the free market. Bailouts, taxes, subsidies, and regulations are bipartisan rallying cries. The only hint of disagreement concerns whether the nation should approach financial insolvency at Mach-2 or Mach-3.

When it comes to money, the Left and the Right both march steadfastly to the beat of the Keynesian drum. The recipe for inflationary stew calls for equal parts donkey and elephant.

Whether it’s Medicare Part-D or Obamacare, healthcare nationalization counts on both sides of the aisle. Whether it’s marijuana or raw milk, the war on “illicit” commerce gathers support from the GOP and the Dems alike. Whether it’s sheet music or cell phone technology, “intellectual property” remains unquestioned by nearly everyone.

Attempts to distinguish the indistinguishable are futile and distracting. Prattling about trivial differences invites vacuous dialogue, subdues critical thinking, precludes progress, and produces farcical demagoguery.

From Twix.com, we learn of the length taken by each factory to maintain illusory separation:

Right Twix Bars are packaged in the same location as that other Twix at The Twix Union Packaging Company, an equal opportunity packaging company. They package Right Twix between the hours of 12:00pm and 11:00pm. That other one is packaged between 12:00am and 11:00am. Between shifts, the equipment is reviewed and conveyor belts are replaced to avoid any unwanted cookie mingling.

At the end of the day, though, neither Twix manufacturer can deny that their respective candy bars do, in fact, snuggle closely with their supposed rival.

Excessive expenditures on avoidance and propaganda mirror the electoral rigmarole. Every four years, presidential candidates go to extraordinary lengths to convince the voting public that two inches is a mile.

Democrats flow from a river of absurdity, while Republicans cascade from a stream of futility. Democrats bathe in inefficacy, while Republicans are cloaked in uselessness. Despite these obvious, palpable, insurmountable differences, they both fit comfortably inside the same wrapper.

At the end of each Twix commercial, we are prompted to, “Try both and pick a side.” Of course, we could also choose to not buy Twix at all.

The Washington Times Communities originally published this article.

Joseph S. Diedrich About Joseph S. Diedrich

Joseph S. Diedrich is a Young Voices Advocate and a law student at the University of Wisconsin. He also holds a degree in music composition and works with multiple internet start-ups, including Liberty.me. ​ Connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, and at jsdiedrich.com.​

45 comments
theglamrizone
theglamrizone

The left twix hands down had a crisper cookie, the right amount of carmel, and chocolate! The right twix taste as if it had to much carmel, and chocolate causing the cookie to have a soft/stale taste, and the extra carmel/chocolate drowned out the tastes of the cookie! Big difference

Love love love the left twix

lefthand4ever
lefthand4ever

@theglamrizone Yes! And left handed people are just smarter, (because using the right side of the brain frees up the left side for thinking) better looking (because we part our hair on the right), funnier (because left-handed people were usually born when their mom was older and and we're therefore not able to relate to our parents, but that's good because they like mushrooms) and we're better people (because I said so.)

TheSearchForComet
TheSearchForComet

For all those left twixs lover you are probably failing persoanl finance yeah your that sad

Right Twix for life

Jack212
Jack212

Twix is plural already, lover should be plural, there should be a comma after lovers, persoanl is not a word (I believe you mean "personal"), the sentence should end after "finance", " yeah" should be capitalized, "your" is supposed to be you're, and you forgot the period at the end. At least you capitalized Right and Twix. This shows the true side of Right Twix lovers.

Left Twix is definitely better, and apparently makes you smarter.

big bob 1008
big bob 1008

Left twix challenges right twix to a sellathon! Just change the packaging to left or right twix, and left twix will win! Both left and right twix should pick their favorite charity, the loser will have to donate half their proceeds to the winners charity! How about that America!!!

big bob 1008
big bob 1008

I'm looking to purchase a pair of just left twix candy! Does anyone know if they are packaging just left side twix, and right side in different packages?

Elaine26
Elaine26

Sounds like a whole bunch of childishness going on within the whole Twix Company..

fuckyou
fuckyou

Also, I don't eat twix anymore.

fuckyou
fuckyou

If i could, I would go back in time and grab a few bars of NORMAL Twix bars. NORMAL.

guest0112
guest0112

Just something companies do so you buy BOTH right and left twix to test if they taste different when it really doesn't taste different makes comapnies double their profits, curiosity killed the cat 

Spiny
Spiny

I think the truly hilarious thing about the whole thing is that there IS no left or right to start with.
The way the twix bars are packaged, it's technically top and bottom.
They're not only choosing a superficial difference, it's a superficial difference that is itself a matter of perspective.

iBeenyx
iBeenyx

@Spiny Ahh. But there Indeed is a you can tell which is left and which is right Mr.Spiny. It's simply on the package of Twix candy. 



NineLivesWarriorCat
NineLivesWarriorCat

The reality is that the left, right, middle, AND fringe are ALL equally corrupt and it is not just a two party problem, for ALL political parties descend from the Democrats and Republicans, regardless of what they say otherwise except for mine, which knows that they are all full of crap and that it is the ONLY solution for this country and this planet.  The solution to the Twix issue is much easier to myself and I solved it years ago and that issue is to smash in the skulls of the morons that made Twix until they learn to agree like a toy monkey smashing its little brass cymbals and eat both Twix bars at the same time.

NineLivesWarriorCat
NineLivesWarriorCat

What I mean is to make the idiots that made Twix to hurt until they learn to quit being stupid and to agree that it is just a stupid candy bar and as for solving our political issues, The Purge, The Hunger Games, The Lord of the Flies, Battle Royale, and professional wrestling solved that problem LONG ago.  We should simply stick our political leaders into steel cages and make them fight for their political leadership and any challengers after they win will also be allowed to challenge those leaders.

lololol
lololol

gigi132810 NO PLEASE NO what if some people like twix the way it is, because they are allergic to peanuts??? (Me) But I guess it would be a good idea to do that, but not replace the original. But, if they really wanted us to "pick a side", They could at least put caramel on the bottom for one side :3

gigi132810
gigi132810

I would like to know why they don't make the left side and the right side different. I mean,Why don't they do one side caramel and the other side peanut butter. Don't you think that would make an awesome candy bar, and commercial. Then people could really choose a side. However I like both the caramel, and the peanutbutter.

I agree
I agree

@gigi132810 Some people are allergic :P


But they could release it separately! That would be an awesome way to get people's attention instead of arguing about what isn't there.

gigi132810
gigi132810

I would like to know why they don't make the left side and the right side different. I mean,Why don't they do one side caramel and the other side peanut butter. Don't you think that would make an awesome candy bar, and commercial. Then people could really choose a side. However I like both the caramel, and the peanutbutter.

lololol
lololol

@gigi132810 NO PLEASE NO what if some people like twix the way it is, because they are allergic to peanuts??? (Me) But I guess it would be a good idea to do that, but not replace the original. But, if they really wanted us to "pick a side", They could at least put caramel on the bottom for one side :3

ethen
ethen

It doesn't...MATTER so why in gods holy world would I pick a freckin' side!!!? People ask me the same exact question every time!!!!!! >8U

ethen
ethen

shay32  you should ''FEEL" slow shay....shame on you... e^e

youwereready
youwereready

shay32 do.. you meen FEEL slow? because, fill slow.. what?

smart
smart

Its just for publicity and its actually pretty cool. Stop getting so upset about a cookie..some caramel..and some chocolate.

shay32
shay32

Wow u cant even taste the diffrence... they should fill slow

shay32
shay32

Wow u cant even taste the diffrence... they should fill slow

ethen
ethen

@shay32  you should ''FEEL" slow shay....shame on you... e^e

raerae24
raerae24

both of them are the same they are not made different at all so they need to stop making it seem like their made different cause it's stupid!!!

raerae24
raerae24

both of them are the same they are not made different at all so they need to stop making it seem like their made different cause it's stupid!!!

najee34
najee34

this is dumb it is the same this it is the same thing but explained in different words  ex: i went o the bathroom       AND      i went to the powder room

najee34
najee34

this is dumb it is the same thing but explained in different words 

ex: i went o the bathroom       AND      i went to the powder room

MrWrangler
MrWrangler

Since the big controversity started I have ceased eating twix as I feel the overall quality of the product has declined. It is a real shame that they let the product slip like they did. I will just stick to my snickers.

MrWrangler
MrWrangler

Since the big controversity started I have ceased eating twix as I feel the overall quality of the product has declined. It is a real shame that they let the product slip like they did. I will just stick to my snickers.

Alice Doormouse
Alice Doormouse

I want to see more commercials from the left side perspective. Actually some packages do contain different looking twix bars one had a deformed end it looked like a phallic organ

Alice Doormouse
Alice Doormouse

I want to see more commercials from the left side perspective. Actually some packages do contain different looking twix bars one had a deformed end it looked like a phallic organ

RamirezJames
RamirezJames

I think the left twix and right twix are same because they both have chocolate and carmal  just there put different like left is laired with carmal and clock in chocolate and right side is clocked in carmal and laired with chocolate...

I'm James R.... age 10

RamirezJames
RamirezJames

I think the left twix and right twix are same because they both have chocolate and carmal  just there put different like left is laired with carmal and clock in chocolate and right side is clocked in carmal and laired with chocolate... I'm James R.... age 10

PaulWilson34
PaulWilson34

Daniel Smyth PaulWilson34Granted. Of course, many Republicans are still fighting Obamacare and the welfare state tooth and nail. I don't deny that there are elements WITHIN the Republican party that are Democrat-lite, and elements WITHIN the Democratic party that are Republican-lite. I do object to the sweeping "both parties are the same" labels (if you believe that, try picturing Barack Obama as a Republican, or Rand Paul as a Democrat).

PaulWilson34
PaulWilson34

@Daniel Smyth @PaulWilson34Granted. Of course, many Republicans are still fighting Obamacare and the welfare state tooth and nail. I don't deny that there are elements WITHIN the Republican party that are Democrat-lite, and elements WITHIN the Democratic party that are Republican-lite. I do object to the sweeping "both parties are the same" labels (if you believe that, try picturing Barack Obama as a Republican, or Rand Paul as a Democrat). 

Daniel Smyth
Daniel Smyth

@PaulWilson34 Just saw your response, Paul. Interesting debate! Just to offer my quick two cents: Many Republicans would never even attempt to dismantle the welfare state and now even seem content with maintaining ObamaCare #depressing

Daniel Smyth
Daniel Smyth

PaulWilson34 Just saw your response, Paul. Interesting debate! Just to offer my quick two cents: Many Republicans would never even attempt to dismantle the welfare state and now even seem content with maintaining ObamaCare #depressing